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Twelve Important Things My Motorcycle Has Taught Me.( Thanks Kathy for sending)
1. The only good view of a thunderstorm is in your rear view mirror.
2. Four wheels move the body; two wheels move the soul.
3. I'd rather be riding my motorcycle and thinking about God, than sitting in church thinking about my bike.
4. Life may begin at 30, but it doesn't get real interesting until about 75 mph.
5. Midnight bugs taste just as bad as Noon time bugs.
6. Sometimes it takes a whole tank full of gas before you can think straight.
7. A bike on the road is worth two in the shed.
8. Young riders pick a destination and go; old riders pick a direction and go.
9. When you're riding lead, don't spit.
10. Catching a yellow jacket in your shirt at 75 mph can double your vocabulary.
11. If you can't get it going with bungee cords and duct tape, it's serious.
12. Only a biker knows why a dog sticks his head out of a car window.
13. (Bonus) I've never seen a Harley parked in front of a psychiatrist' s office.
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A cop stops a Harley for traveling faster than the posted speed limit, so he asks the biker his name 'Fred,' he replies. 'Fred what?' the officer asks. 'Just Fred,' the man responds.
The officer is in a good mood and thinks he might just give the biker a break and, write him out a warning instead of a ticket. The officer then presses him for the last name. The man tells him that he used to have a last name but lost it. The officer thinks that he has a nut case on his hands but plays along with it. 'Tell me, Fred, how did you lose your last name?'
The biker replies, 'It's a long story, so stay with me.' I was born Fred Johnson.
I studied hard and got good grades. When I got older, I realized that I wanted to be a doctor. I went through college, medical school, internship, residency, and finally got my degree, so I was Fred Johnson, MD. After a while I got bored being a doctor, so I decided to go back to school.
Dentistry was my dream! Got all the way through School, got my degree, so then I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS.
Got bored doing dentistry, so I started fooling around with my assistant and she gave me VD, so now I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS, with VD. Well, the ADA found out about the VD, so they took away my DDS.
Then I was Fred Johnson, MD, with VD. Then the AMA found out about the ADA taking away my DDS because of the VD, so they took away my MD leaving me as Fred Johnson with VD.
Then the VD took away my Johnson, so now I am Just Fred.' | A mechanic was removing a cylinder-head from the motor of a Harley motorcycle when he spotted a well-known cardiologist in his shop.
The cardiologist was there waiting for the service manager to come take a look at his bike when the mechanic shouted across the garage "Hey Doc, want to take a look at this?" The cardiologist, a bit surprised, walked over to where the mechanic was working on the motorcycle. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his ha nds on a rag and said, "So Doc, look at this engine. I open its heart, take the valves out, repair any damage, and then put them back in, and when I finish, it works just like new. So how come I make $39,675 a year, a pretty small salary and you get the really big bucks ($1,695,759) when you and I are doing basically the same work?"
The cardiologist paused, smiled and leaned over, then whispered to the mechanic................................
"Try doing it with the engine running." | You Don't Need A Harley To Pick Up Chicks | On the farm lived a chicken an a horse, both of whom loved to play together. One day the two were playing when the horse fell into a bog and began to sink. Scared for his life, the horse whinnied for the chicken to go get the farmer for help! Off the chicken ran, back to the farm. Arriving at the farm, he searched and searched for the farmer, but to no avail, for the farmer had gone to town with the only tractor. Running around, the chicken s pied the farmer's new Harley. Finding the keys in the ignition, the chicken sped off with a length of rope hoping he still had time to save his friend's life. After tying the other end to the rear bumper of the farmer's bike, the chicken then drove slowly forward and, with the aid of the powerful bike, rescued the horse! Happy and proud, the chicken rode the Harley back to the farmhouse, and the farmer was none the wiser when he returned. The friendship between the two animals was cemented: Best Buddies, Best Pals. A few weeks later, the chicken fell into a mud pit, and soon, he too, began to sink and cried out to the horse to save his life! The horse thought a moment, walked over, and straddled the large puddle. Looking underneath, he told the chicken to grab his hangy-down thingy and he would then lift him out of the pit. The chicken got a good grip, and the horse pulled him up and out, saving his life. The moral of the story? (yep, you betcha, there is a moral!) "When You're Hung Like A Horse, You Don't Need A Harley To Pick Up Chicks" | This is a woman who knows what she wants !!! | A biker stops by the local Harley Shop to have his bike fixed. They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would just walk home. On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and an anvil. He stopped by the feed store/livestock dealer and picked up acouple of chickens and a goose. However, struggling outside the store he now had a problem: how to carry all of his purchases home.
While he is scratching his head he was approached by a little old lady who told himshe was lost. She asked, "Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane?" The biker said, "Well, as a matter of fact, I live at 1616 Mockingbird Lane. I would walk you home but I can't carry this lot." The old lady suggested, "Why don't you put the anvil in the bucket, carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in the other hand?" "Why thank you very much," he said and proceeded to walk the old girl home.
On the way he says, "Let's take my shortcut and go down this alley. We'll be there in no time."The little old lady looked him over cautiously then said, "I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and ravish me?"
The biker said, "Holy smokes lady! I am carrying a bucket, an anvil, two chickens and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?" The lady replied, "Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the anvil on top of the bucket and I'll hold the chickens." | Headlites and wheels | Motorcycle rider pulls into a diner in upstate N.Y. Seats himself and asks the waitress for 2 headlites and 2 wheels. The waitress who had just worked all night wasn't in a good mood said what are you talking about? The rider already tired ,but happy to relax at the diner said" Just tell the cook he'll know what I mean but the expression 2 headlights and 2 wheels. By this time the waitress is pissed and yells back at the old cook, "I got this weird one out here who thinks you'll know what he wants if he orders 2 headlites and 2 wheels". Yeah I know what he wants, Yells the cook, He wants 2 eggs sunny side up and 2 pancakes. No problem . Well this just pisses off the waitress even more than before. SO, just be the breakfast is served to the rider, she walks up with a big plate of chili beans and slams them down on the table. "Here" she yells for all to hear, " here's you chili! But, the rider who didn't order the chili answers back What is this for? The waitress is ready for this yells back" I thought you would want to gas up before you took off"
 by Tim Rayner |
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